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7 vital things you should never compromise in a relationship
Hey guys, today we would be talking about the 7 vital things that shouldn’t be compromised in a relationship. Before moving on to that, What exactly does it mean to compromise?
Compromise is commonly understood as giving up something in order to reach a place of understanding with your partner. No two people are the same. At some point in your relationship, you and your partner will have a different approach, opinion or wish.
In simpler terms, it is settling for something when you’d rather take something else, just because your partner wants that else.
Of course, there’s an iota of truth that, relationships are about compromise -Definitely they are. But the real question here is are relationships really ‘all’ about compromise?
The foundational layer for every committed and long-lasting relationship always involves compromise. So the importance of this compromise in a relationship cannot be overemphasized. But there are two types of compromise.
- Healthy compromise: where both people in a relationship are prepared to both give and take, it is a good way to resolve conflict. A healthy, good compromise is when change helps you to become more of your authentic best self for both yourself and your partner. It is one that benefits both parties, enhancing each other’s authenticity and bringing them closer.
- Unhealthy compromise: where one person is repeatedly giving in to the other, is likely to create long-term problems. If you think you compromise too much, do your best to stand firm.
Most relationships require us to bend to a certain extent, but how much can we bend without a loss of self? There is an inherent paradox in these questions: A truly loving relationship is a relationship where each person accepts and even values the differences between them. If you have to excessively bend your values to preserve the relationship, what are you preserving?
So Basically, There are certain things that shouldn’t be compromised in a good and healthy relationship and they have been properly highlighted below:
7 things you shouldn’t compromise in your relationship
Your self
Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you should totally lose yourself completely just to please your partner. A good and healthy relationship wouldn’t require you to do that. Losing yourself is losing your identity. Do not change who you are for someone else. You can only improve yourself to better yourself and your relationship. And also if you have bad habits you can make conscious effort to change that but changing yourself is a lot more different. Its is changing your personality and all of these things that make you ‘you-nique‘.
Self-esteem & Self-worth
If you are dating someone who constantly makes you feel less of yourself then you should rethink that relationship. In fact, you must rethink it because your self-esteem, as well as self-worth, is very important. People with really low self-esteem are never really happy people and its very easy for people to get in your head and tamper with that.
Protect your esteem by all means. In fact, a partner who loves you would never belittle you and make you feel bad about yourself or make you feel like you are lacking or you are not good enough. If they do that you are probably with the wrong person.
So Never allow your partner to make you feel bad about yourself. Never compromise your self-esteem for your partner because your self-esteem is very important. You shouldn’t let anyone tear it down because it could lead to depression. Never dim your light or allow anyone to dim it for you just to please them.
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Dreams, Goals and passion
Your dreams goals and passion is very important and if indeed you have a great passion for something really good your partner should always support your dreams and be your biggest fan.
PS: Take note of what I said ‘having a passion for something good’. Meaning if you have a passion for prostitution (don’t know if that is something people have passion for- LOL). Anyways, in a case such as that for example, Your partner not being able to concur with such doesn’t exactly make him a bad person. He probably just feels its not the best for you and you should rethink your passion.
But generally, never give up that burning passion and goal to please someone. Some women who could have been great actresses quit acting because their men couldn’t stand them being with other men on set. (which is understandable) but if indeed that is all you have ever dreamt of and what makes you the happiest then I guess you would just have to find someone else who can understand and probably handle it because you can never be happy in a relationship where you give up doing what you love just to keep a man or a woman.
Must read: The role of each partner in a relationship
Your independence
Some women have had to give up their financial independence to protect a man’s ego. Some men want their woman to be completely dependent on them so they can control them. This is one mistake many women make. Giving up their financial independence just because a man cannot handle them earning higher.
It shouldn’t be so. Often times it’s a risky game to play. Generally, I am of the opinion that one should never be totally reliant on anybody because anything can happen. If the man is the only source of income in the family, what if he dies tomorrow, is your tomorrow promised? (This is not me wishing death on anyone-LOL) but oftentimes you should learn to be futuristic.
Imagine going to school for almost 18years and working hard to be an independent working-class woman(not so independent that you feel you don’t need a man though or allowing pride set in. Ps: Not only does it not look good on a woman or anyone in general but it also drives men away). Anyways, so imagine all of the years spent only to meet a man who says you should throw all of that in the trash and be a full-time housewife outside your will.
Well of course if the man is highly capable and It is a voluntary decision of yours, there is absolutely no problem with that. There are women who don’t mind at all (they cannot come and kill themselves- LOL). So whatever case, it is not bad. The point remains it should not be outside your will.
See also: 10 visible signs that you are in the right relationship
Your family and close friendships
Before you met your partner, you had a family you grew up with who nurtured you in becoming who you are. And also you had really close friendships. And now your partner has come and you want to throw all of that down the drain because your partner has issues with them?
Mind you I ain’t just talking about family ties by blood alone but there are really important people in your life that have made a great impact on you. These people might even be better people than the family related to you by blood. So I am also referring to people like that who have loved you, love you and still want the best for you, not people who call themselves family and friends and go behind you to plot against you.
PS: cases where you probably have a close tie with someone who actually doesn’t want the best for you but you cannot see it but your partner can, he or she could want you to keep a distance for your safety. That is actually okay. Perhaps some distance isn’t a terrible idea but not one who wants you to totally cut off from these people that have been in your life all along.
Even if they don’t like one of your friends, your significant other needs to get on board with the fact that you do. They don’t have to hang out with your friends all the time, neither do they have to become besties with your besties.
Even if your family and friends are the most terrible people in the world, your relationship with your significant other/spouse should never pull you away from them fully except you are the one who decides to pull away for reasons best known to you.
They should know that a relationship with you comes with a relationship with your family and that they need to accept it, lovingly and easily. It’s likely you’ll have to deal with their family as well.
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Personal beliefs
I am of the opinion that before you get far or choose to settle with someone, you must have known them to a great extent. Knowing them involves knowing their personal beliefs and what they stand for, knowing their mindset. So nothing should be much of a shocker. Haven known their beliefs, the next question is do you conform to it and accept it or are your beliefs way too different and you can’t live with it? If yes, then leave that relationship.
Sure, there are certain wrong mindset and way of thinking some people grew up with that might need some little adjustments for their own good but then there are certain personal beliefs that you mustn’t have to compromise for your partner if you do not want to. An example would be your take and belief of religious matters.
Are you a Christian and is he a Muslim? And do you guys disagree so much when it comes to these? If yes, then that is not a healthy relationship. But if after knowing their beliefs and you go ahead, then it’s better you live with it. Do not come asking anyone to go out of their way for you cause you already know where they stand in certain issues. So these should not be compromised.
Must read: 10 inexcusable reasons why women cheat
Your Happiness
Alongside all of these points highlighted above is happiness. I say this because all of these are not only what makes us who we are but what adds to our overall joy and happiness alongside many other factors.
You should never keep compromising your happiness to please your partner. It’s not healthy for you and it is obviously not going to be a happy relationship if you have to keep doing that.
Yes, I am.aware that often times we might have to discomfort ourselves for the comfort of our partner just because we love them. I also know that true love is putting someone first and always being considerate of them. Very true.
But if you have to give up way too much of yourself and happiness just because of them, it is really not healthy. A healthy, happy and long-lasting relationship is one where both parties are happy being with each other and not where one is a king and another a slave.
If you are not happy in a relationship, you are with the wrong person. So never give up your overall happiness for anyone ( YOLO – You only live once )
” you are better off single and happy than in a relationship and unhappy” – DollyMchottney
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