The secret to a solid and long-lasting relationship
It was one of those awesome nights in room 210 where we are all less busy and in the chatting mood.
You know, where 2 or 3 rats (like we would jokingly often call ourselves) are gathered then relationship and its nuggets must be dissected.
And What were we curious about today? What makes a relationship last?
The secret to a long-lasting relationship is one of the questions that never seize to keep lingering in the minds of us all. As we all know our relationship is a very vital part of our life as a whole.
It is said that your relationship can either make or break you. So as much as it’s important to pay attention to the signs that you are in the right relationship.
It is also important to know the secret to a lasting relationship because no matter how good you two seem for each other, you can still screw it up if you do not tread carefully.
I know this article is titled “secrets to a solid and long-lasting relationship” but in a true sense, there are no secrets to a long-lasting relationship because every relationship differs.
So, these supposed secrets you are expecting are what I would rather refer to as “pillars of a solid and long-lasting relationship” be it platonic or romantic.
13 Pillars of a solid and long-lasting relationship
Fear of God
“Whoever fears God, shall find favour“
Not trying to sound too religious or anything but in everything, this should always come first. The self-control needed in a relationship is birthed from the fear of God. And with the fear and trust in God comes with praying lips.
Prayer: Sure praying without action is more or less futile because other necessary factors need to be considered.
Nonetheless, never forget that even after considering all factors you still need the grace of God in any relationship you are involved in.
This God factor enables you to tackle whatever hurdles that you might come across in your relationship and in the right way. It gets you into the right relationships, to begin with.
See also: 10 Must-know secrets about fear
Sacrifice
“Sacrifices define your love“
Making friends and falling in love are both easy but what if difficult is the sacrifices it takes to keep this love, Friendship as well as relationship.
Whether you like it or not you have got to understand that to attain a solid and long-lasting relationship, some sacrifices might have to be made at various points in time. Of course, relationships are not all about compromise but then, sometimes you would just have to. There’s no sacrifice if you always love what you are doing. So at certain points, you both might have to discomfort yourselves for the comfort of the other. These Sacrifices often strengthens love.
Recommended: Are relationships really about compromise
Love
“True love stories never have endings“
Yes, sacrifices often strengthen love.
So that means love has to be present for a love to be strengthened and that brings us to the Love factor which happens to be one of the most important factors.
The word love is very common but yet people tend to be ignorant on the depth of this word. Love happens to be the basis as well as the foundation on which every true relationship is built.
It is the central parlour surrounded by all other attributes necessary for a solid and long-lasting relationship.
Love is encompassing and cuts across family, friends and lovers. But of course, I am making more emphasis on that which pertains to lovers. Love is the bedrock of any relationship.
Love is what makes one willing to pay all other sacrifices. So before moving ahead to all else, make sure your relationship is built on true love and not something else.
Trust
“It is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together“
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.
In every relationship, there must be a good level of trust else there is no relationship. I mean what is a relationship without trust.
A relationship where you cannot sleep with your two eyes closed besides who you refer to as your spouse, friend or family.
A relationship where you have to second guess their every statement is not a good relationship and sooner or later it would eventually come to an end.
You can’t even make sacrifices in such a relationship because you do not trust the other. “I trust you” is a better compliment than “I love you” because you may not always trust the person you love but you can always love the person you trust.
Trust is a necessary pillar in a relationship.
Honesty
“A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future“
With trust comes honesty. You cannot be trusted if you are not honest, to begin with. Honesty earns trust.
No matter how difficult it poses sometimes, a solid relationship is equivalent to an honest relationship when both parties are honest about how they feel, what they want, what is wrong, mistakes they have made etc.
A relationship built on lies and deceit never lasts.
Attention
“Always remember; when you ignore them, you are teaching them how to live without you“
The wrong person would always make you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment but the right person gives these things willingly because they love you.
Give your relationship with the necessary attention when you can. You can only understand something when you pay attention to it.
All relationship have one law: Never make the one you love feel lonely especially when you are there.
Remember how you paid rapt attention when wooing someone; you should always try to maintain that.
Though it’s not always easy and things will change but still drastic changes should never be made.
Do not let go of those things that made your partner fall in love with you.
Always endeavour to spice up your relationship once in a while in any way you can. This attention is also usually in the form of communication.
Note: Do what you did at the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end
Must read: how to make someone feel important to you
Good Communication
“In a relationship where communication starts to fade, everything else follows“
As we all know honesty involves good communication.
Being able to communicate with each other properly on literally everything is awesome.
Good Communication is very paramount in a relationship no matter how we choose to look at it and no matter how trivial a ‘hello how you doing‘ might seem.
You should be able to talk about anything and everything. A relationship with zero communication is no relationship but just a useless title.
You can probably never know someone to the bone if the communication factor in the relationship is not there. So, it leaves you both looking like mere strangers and that never lasts.
If at all there is a cogent reason why communication must be on a low for a particular period, then communicate with your partner and make them understand the reason behind it.
Even still, there is no justification for zero communication for a very long period if you are doing okay and healthy.
With relationship comes care and concern and with care comes wanting to know how the other party is fairing and what’s going on in their life. In other words- Communication
Lots of people pay so much attention to the sexual aspect of a relationship and see it as the reason when one party begins to look outside.
We often fail to realize that besides the sexual connection, the mental connection is also very important.
Some people often find themselves looking outside for someone to talk and confide in because they cannot even communicate with their partner.
The question; “is communication enough?” Often pops into my mind whenever I think of this present generation whose biggest problem in communication is listening to reply and not listening to understand.
I believe with communication comes comprehension. Learn to comprehend even while communicating because that is what gives birth to “Good Communication”
See also: common communication problems
Understanding
“Mutual Understanding is the main backbone of every relationship“
Just like I have said earlier about comprehension, the same principle applies here because it’s all about having a good level of understanding when it comes to your partner and your relationship.
Understanding prevents lots of present and future problems that you might encounter along the way.
When you understand a person well enough, you can be confident about what they can and cannot do, why they do or act in a certain way etc.
It could get to a level where before they tell you something, you would have already gotten the hint.
You know when their fine means frustrated and you can say or do just what would make them feel better even without them saying because of Understanding.
If this doesn’t make a relationship stronger, I don’t know what does. It’s also a very important factor when it comes to conflict management especially in a relationship.
Forgiveness
“Forgiveness is the oil of relationships“
When you find a relationship that has stood the test of time, be rest assured that this particular factor must be present.
Marriage is a relationship between two forgivers. We are all humans and no one is perfect.
There are no perfect relationships either but, there are usually two imperfect people who are willing to work together as a team to be perfect for each other.
A relationship is not a bed of roses, it’s not always like it looks in the movies and you have to understand and accept that.
The earlier you understand that your partner would piss you off or step out of line at certain points or the other, the better it would be for you.
They say the strongest of hearts is that which is willing and able to forgive. You must imbibe the spirit of forgiveness in other to achieve a long-lasting relationship.
Ps: The couples that are meant to be are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and still come out stronger than they were before.
Tolerance
“Tolerance and celebration of individual differences is the fire that fuels lasting love”
Just as I have earlier mentioned, we are all humans with our various flaws.
These flaws are some of the things we look out for during courtship to know what and what we can and cannot tolerate.
In my opinion, this should often determine if one wants to go into a certain union or not.
This is why you must always know the other party. It doesn’t mean the flaws you choose to tolerate would get any less annoying.
However, once you already know and have accepted those; you must just learn how to tolerate because you have accepted to.
So you have got to ask yourselves what you can and cannot tolerate from the start in other not to run into a future crisis.
After doing this, you must always try to imbibe the spirit of tolerance. It’s a flaw that can be helped; you can help them in the nicest way possible.
If it happens to be just part of who they are and can’t be helped, then say hello to Mr Tolerance.
Patience
“In relationships sometimes love is just not enough, it takes a lot of effort and patience to make the commitment stronger“
Good relationships don’t just happen they take time, patience and two people who are willing to be together.
Patience is a lovely virtue when it comes to building and sustaining a relationship.
Do not always be quick to act or speak irrationally. Learn to be patient.
It is an important virtue that could strengthen any relationship and it’s part of the sacrifices and price one has to pay in other to achieve a solid and long-lasting relationship.
PS: Know the difference between being patient and wasting time.
Loyalty
“Loyalty is the strongest glue which makes a relationship last a lifetime”
The lack of loyalty is a great challenge in most relationship.
With the lack of loyalty comes the lack of trust which automatically ends up wrapping up most relationships.
You have got to give loyalty down if you want loyalty up. The test of loyalty lays not in a contained confined man but within a man who is free to do as he pleases but choose to stay by your side.
The thing about loyalty is; it doesn’t just help in achieving a solid and lasting relationship but goes as far as achieving a fulfilling relationship.
It’s a very important pillar in every relationship.
Friendship
“A relationship with a best friend is like a sugar cane, you can crush it, shred it, grind it and it’s still sweet”
Friendship is the real beauty in every relationship.
The importance of friendship cannot be overemphasized. It is highly important.
There is a real beauty when friendship and love are found in one person.
When your partner becomes your best friend or better still your best friend becomes your partner, you have found one of the most Special gifts there is to find.
Recommended: Qualities of a friend
Your relationship would never remain as romantic and all lovely as it used to be in the beginning.
Lots of things could and probably come in the way but a relationship which is built on friendship can hardly ever die because the days the love and sparks all fade, friendship would always be there to save the day.
With friendship, the sparks can always revive again.
Take the present situation of the country where we are all experiencing lockdown because of the current pandemic.
Lots of marriages would probably scatter before the lockdown ends because most spouses are just strangers living under the same roof and whose common ground was just sex and probably the children (if any).
Going out was like an escape route but now there is nowhere to go and you and your partner cannot even relate with each other as friends.
Only now would people realize the importance of this friendship in a relationship. True Friendship is highly paramount to a solid and long-lasting relationship.
Thanks for reading. Kindly share and leave your comments below as this will go a long way to put a smile in my face
Related articles
7 important Factors to consider before sharing secrets in a relationship
The 7 common types of relationships known to mankind
